I’m back, I had to write and wanted to share if only for the briefest of moments.
Passing days at a feverish pitch Mind a blur, head a stir Ups and and downs Mind tossed around Distress is found With no reason or rhyme- I quickly fight with time Why? Why? Why? I don’t know, a mystery to me wrapped in illusions No fore gone conclusions Still I search Seeking the sign For these thoughts in my mind Quickly passing through time
Confusion sets in, zig zags my mind it drags. --catching up --getting lost Fog sets in, settles low, as my confusion does grow Find the the path, find a direction --for god sakes make a selection Mind goes where it wants to now, don’t ask me, I don’t know how But this path I will take, the best of it I will make
Deepening wounds within I feel; cracks, crevices, broken foundation; the feeling the strangest sensations. Falling to pieces and know it is true, worse is the feeling knowing there is nothing I can do. Just crumble down and fall as if a building of age; falling and flailing in fits of rage.
No recovery seems near or within my sight these ugliest feelings I try to fight, to end this feeling welling up inside; these feelings I have from everyone I hide. So to my cavern I climb away, maybe I will or won’t see the next day. Desperation it seems to well in my brain for I know I must be insane.
Take these device that I did befriend, let them be my end; but thoughts linger to the brighter days and friends and family who I know I would hurt with the actions I intended to undertake, with this thought I decision I make.
Fight to the end make it through I will, with these happier thought my heart I do fill. But dark days are never faraway and so I make sure I say ‘I love me’ every single day.
Took a walk for a 48 mile change that I’m doing in September for military vets to help with PTSD and suicide prevention. I have 8.48 miles in so far so I have a few to go, but not to bad for being 3 days in…I’ll keep chugging along.
Today I did 5.29 miles and did a long walk around the a big block in town, so I decided to take some photos during my walk.
I love taking black and white photos and I can walk the same path every day and find something new to take a photo of that catches my eye.
I recently posted a new poem called ‘Drowning for a Night’, this series is going to go back to a very dark period in my life where I feel I was at my lowest lows. I will preface all poems from now with ‘Dark Days’
Some of the material may be a little disturbing and will contain a lot of emotion from me. I’m using this opportunity almost as a self therapy. It is something that has sat with me for a long time and I think I’m ready to share some of it with the world.
This anger that builds up inside, tear it all down, down to the ground. Wanting more, needing more---fighting for more. Justice, injustice, the system is blind, no equality will we ever find.
Men are fallible, flaws and misconceptions--full of hate where there should be none, with prejudices filled with lies...lady liberty just weeps and cries
Still fight on, keep strong with civility and understanding, let your voice be heard, let them know we are one; no color, creed or race separates us. We are a melting pot---and true justice will prevail for our society will crumble if not
I was sitting here today and thinking about my poetry and writing and wondering if these are practice runs for a great poem just waiting to flow out of me.
I write pretty much on the fly and don’t always put a whole bunch of thought into my writing. I like to call it writing from the gut, just a term I use to let myself know I’m writing just my feelings with very little thought of how someone else will interpret and take my writing.
I’ve also been reading a lot of poetry lately from Billy Collins and Jim Morrison. I know Jim Morrison is an extreme and not everyone’s taste, but I feel as though I write sometimes similar to him with very little worry about what anyone else thinks…I like that kind of connection with another poet.
I have also been watching ‘Master Class’ videos. Mostly about poetry and writing but also about creativity. These videos have opened my eyes to how the creative process works. I appreciate this insight from people that are really successful in their craft, it has inspired me to look closely at how I write and create music, thinking outside the box more and maybe taking a little more time with my writing and photography.
I guess what I’m really saying is there is a great poem waiting to come out, I just have to dig down and find it in my own time. I continue to write because it is what frees me and makes me feel whole. The words continue to come and words continue to flow.
I have been very quiet in my writing these past few days. I feel as though my writing has run it’s course, it has been a terrible feeling. I feel I want to write when I can’t; and when I can write I won’t.
It has been a struggle to write lately so I have gone back to an old friend, meditation, to help ease my mind and maybe give me some clarity.
I have done this in the past and it has helped immensely, but for some unknown reason I abandon it or find some reason that I can’t practice that day, well, I’m here to tell you that I set goals for myself.
The first goal I set is to make sure that I meditate at least once a day even if it is for only a short time. I have been using an app that has a daily short 7 minute affirmation session with a 2 minute meditation session and it is my go to in the mornings…so that goal has been met for the last 28 days.
Second goal I set was to take breathing breaks during the day, especially work days. I now do 2 4 minute sessions for my breaks…it has helped keep focus on work and calmed my anxiety and the stress I feel sometimes.
Third goal is one 12-15 minute meditation session a day. I have struggled sometimes to get this in but I have been able to get a few in during my lunch break and this has truly been the most helpful because I can do a focused meditation practice done focused on how I’m feeling.
So yes, I’m on the meditation train and it feels amazing. I’m more relaxed and focused at work; and I hope this translates to my poetry and writing.
And with the final goal, to make meditation a practice that I do at least once during the day…this is a life long goal that I hope to be able to keep to myself. The most days I had ever meditated in a row was 22, so beat that, now to make a life long habit.